This week is Deaf Awareness Week. It's not something I often talk about, but I have hearing loss so I wanted to talk about my own experience with partial deafness and how you can be a better friend to someone with hearing loss.
And obviously my hearing aid is purple. pic.twitter.com/SeihwoNwJj— Kitty Rambles A Lot (@kittyrambles) August 20, 2015
I've had hearing loss since birth. No one knew till I was at primary school and the school did the standard hearing tests they do on all students and I failed them all. My parents were called and after some exploring it was discovered that I had a 'normal' right ear, and hearing loss in my left ear. At the time my hearing loss was considered moderate, over time it is now considered moderate to severe. My right ear now has some loss but is still just about within the 'normal' range. With my left ear I can hear no high or low pitch sounds, and have less hearing across the more central pitch range.
I didn't get my first hearing aid till I was 21 years old. I sort of fell through the cracks a bit in terms of my hearing being tested regularly, and mistakes were made. When I was 18 I was sent for MRI's and checked to see if I was a suitable candidate for a cochlear implant, I am not. It wasn't until 3 years later when someone asked to service my hearing aid that I realised that the audiology department I was under mistakenly thought I'd been given a hearing aid before. Once this mistake was realised, the process began to get me one.
The first time I wore my hearing aid, I was amazed at how loud the world was. I was quite horrified at times actually. In the car with the window down I was baffled to hear a bird when we were parked at traffic lights, and slightly traumatised to discover that when your stomach rumbles it makes a sound that other people can hear. I'd always thought it was a feeling! I was so embarrassed. I cried the first time I held my ear to my cat and heard him purr properly, it was the most wonderful sound in the world. I realised that I'd never been able to hear the bass in songs I loved, and that I missed most of the drum beats. I found the sound of paper being shuffled sent shivers down my spine like people say nails on a chalkboard does for them. The first time I flushed a toilet I literally leapt in the air at how loud it was! I spent a lot of time asking people to be quiet, I was aghast at how loudly I spoke, and background noise became even harder to deal with than it had before.
I'm 29 now, and I haven't worn my hearing aid in well over a year. There are many reasons people with hearing loss don't wear hearing aids. They aren't the most comfortable thing to be quite honest, they rub and shift around, and your brain takes a long time to learn how to process the new sounds. The world suddenly being so loud can almost feel like drowning, it's scary and overwhelming. Not all people with deafness or hearing loss want to be hearing, we have our own version of normal and our deafness does not stop us from living full amazing lives. For me personally, I suffer from a condition called otitis externa as well as eczema, both of which affect my inner ear. My hearing aid exacerbates them and it can be really painful and uncomfortable, so I don't wear it. People with hearing loss or deafness are not missing out because of our hearing, we just experience things in different ways. There is a belief in the deaf community that deafness isn't being deficient, it's just a difference. Many view it not as a disability, but as a whole cultural identity. Please never assume that someone who has deafness will want to be hearing, not everyone does and that's OK too. Some of us wear hearing aids, and some of us don't.
Infographic by Action on Hearing Loss
When it comes to being a good friend to someone with hearing loss, there are things you can do, and I love this infographic created by Action on Hearing Loss. I spent many years wondering why people would tell me when they met me that they thought I was a bitch, or that I was better than them, until they revealed that it was because I didn't seem to join in conversations in groups or ignored people when they spoke to me. I've had to explain many times that this isn't something I choose to do, and is because of my hearing loss, not me being rude! Conversations can be hard to follow in a group because when you need to lip read to fill in the gaps that you can't hear, a group jumps around too much to keep up. When you go out with as a group, consider how you can help your friend be included properly, even how you sit can help. As I have such substantial loss in my left ear, I always ask to sit on one end of the table in a restaurant, ideally right on the end so I'm facing in towards every one, or if not with my right ear facing in to the action. It gives me a chance at least!
Using your mouth to really form words can help, mumbling or putting a hand over your mouth is really hard for people with hearing loss. I absolutely love people who enunciate well because I can see the words they are making with the shape of their mouths and it helps so much. You don't need to exaggerate, but don't mumble. You don't need to speak loudly, just clearly.
One of the biggest things that has bothered me for many years, is that often when I ask someone to repeat themselves, that they actually do repeat themselves, and never ever say 'it doesn't matter', or 'never mind' to me. Nothing makes me feel more worthless than someone who decides I'm not worth repeating themselves for. When you give up on helping us hear you, you give up on us and dismiss us. When you say 'it doesn't matter', it feels like you are saying 'you don't matter'.
Hearing loss and deafness aren't limited to the elderly, and you may be surprised by those around you who have it but don't talk about it. It affects people of every age and from every walk of life. As a person with partial deafness I am immensely privileged and often 'pass' as a hearing person in my life. When I mention my hearing loss I'm often surprised by those around me who then tell me they have similar, so I'd love to see more people talking about their own experiences this Deaf Awareness Week.
I hope this has been informative for you, and I appreciate you if you read all the way to the end!
Much love,
Kitty xxx