'You Have The Right To Remain Fat' by Virgie Tovar Review*

Do you know who Virgie Tovar is? You should! If you want to learn about real body positivity, and fat positivity, she's a true shining star to turn to. Tovar is an author, an activist, and all around badass. She edited 'Hot & Heavy : Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love & Fashion', was a plus size editor for Buzzfeed, and founded Babecamp. Babecamp is a 4 week online course to 'Lose hate, not weight', and is designed to help you break up with diet culture. Tovar is someone I am so grateful I discovered when I first realised there was a whole plus size community online that felt they deserved better and deserved to take up space. She has been liberating and life changing for so many people, so when I heard she was publishing a non-fiction book, 'You Have the Right to Remain Fat', I could not wait to get my hands on it.

From the very first page, this book feels radical. 'A call for the death of fatphobia' shouts from the inner sleeve (which by the way doubles as a handy bookmark, it's the little things), and Tovar continues to smash through fat politics, demanding change, whilst also managing to be warm and endearing. She talks of teenage years and a young adulthood that are all too familiar to those of us that are fat, punishing ourselves for not achieving the impossible. I have to give a particular shout out to the chapter 'Internalised Inferiority and Sexism' which really got to me, addressing the ways women and femmes are diminished that they don't even realise.

This book may be small in stature, but it is mighty and powerful, the book you didn't know you needed but that will change your life.

If you are just beginning your journey to self acceptance, I cannot recommend it enough. You'll read things that you never thought you'd see someone dare to put into words, things you thought but never uttered. There are so many stories I recognise myself in, and I'm sure most women and femmes, fat or not, would see themselves in them too. Truths leap out from every page and shake you into realisations you didn't think you were allowed to have.

Tover manages to write a book that is both an essay that is educational but accessible, whilst also revealing societal truths through tales that will be oh so familiar. You'll see yourself, and how to break free.

Much love,
Kitty xxxx

*book was gifted to me for review purposes. In no way does this impact upon my opinions which are entirely my own.

Photoshop and Bloggers

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I took all my blog photos on my mobile phone. It was the quick and easy way to get photos on the go and be able to upload them to my blog almost immediately. These days I've been using my Canon camera, as a semi-pro photographer I decided that I could step up the quality of my photos by combining my two loves together. I set up the photos, and just get someone else to click the camera for me as I don't have a remote trigger. I then run the photos through Photoshop or any other editing programme for a quick bit of colour correction, occasionally to edit out anything that's creeped into the back of the photo that shouldn't have, or to make sure the exposure of the photo is just right. Then they are ready for my blog! One thing I never do, is retouch my skin or edit myself. 

I leave in all the bumps, the stretch marks, the folds of my skin, the hyper-pigmentation, the scars, the eczema. One of the reasons I started blogging is because I think representation is important, and if one person can see my body and see themselves and feel less alone, or even start to realise that their body deserves love too, then I've done everything I could ever have wanted. It's hugely important to me to be real and to share my body as it is. With a higher quality camera, all those little blemishes become much more visible, your iPhone selfie might show your skin in a much more flattering light than a professional camera does, so when bloggers are taking photos with these high quality pieces of technology, in comes the Photoshop pressure.

When you blog, there is so much pressure for everything to be perfect, from your immaculately ironed clothes, to your highly stylised images, everything has to be perfect. If it's not, will a brand want to work with you? Will your readers still love you? There's so much pressure, and I totally get bowing to it, Photoshop is the standard in the media, seeing a published imaged that hasn't spent time being edited and touched up is almost unheard of. It can be hard as a blogger to fight that pressure, particularly when you have a larger audience, because with a larger audience, comes trolls.

I'm not perfect, and that's OK. And seeing other bloggers who look like me share themselves has really helped me realise that all those things that I consider imperfections are actually just fine the way they are. As someone who is body positive, I think not retouching my photos is important. It would feel false to me personally if I retouched my skin and made myself look perfect, when I'm not. To me, taking away the scar on my face would be like shrinking my waist, I'm here to show reality, and my reality is what society deems to be flaws. 

The only time I've ever shared photos of myself that have been potentially retouched is recently, and that is with the photos from my shoot with Shannon Swift. Shannon's work is high fashion and conceptual, it is glossy and perfect, and everyone's highlight is blinding. I'm not wearing any more makeup than usual in the photo above, just my usual eyes and lips, and I asked Shannon to make sure if she did retouch my skin that she left my scar in. I wasn't sure how much I would be retouched, and zooming in, it's clear that Shannon totally got that I'm not into super smooth skin. All my little freckles are still visible, the creases in my eye lids, even the super faint scar on my forehead and the weird white patches on my two front teeth. This made me so happy. I actually don't think she's really touched my skin! When you see professional photographers work it is often so heavily retouched, but that isn't what Shannon has done and it made me so happy! I'm me, just a really awesome well lit version of me.

I'd love to see more transparency from bloggers about the level of retouching in their blog photos. I adore that George of Fuller Figure Fuller Bust shares her shape wear and how she creates the foundations for her vintage looks, I love that Amanda Apparel shares her before and after makeup photos with her psoriasis. I'd love to see bloggers stating that they've been retouched in their photos so people know that they are seeing the perfect version of them, not the reality. Much like I'm glad to see advertisers being forced to declare that a model is wearing false eyelashes in their mascara advert, I want to see bloggers admitting that they've smoothed out their skin. That way their readers know that's not what their foundation really looks like, or that in this high fashion set of photos they've had their skin evened out to make the photos as immaculate as possible. I think this is particularly an issue in beauty blogging, because edited images can make a product seem far better than it is and be very misleading. I've seen bloggers edit out the creases in their lips and make their eyelashes longer, and if you are sharing makeup reviews, that isn't right or fair for your reader.

Transparency is key for me. I don't mind if you feel the need to retouch your photos, I'd just love to know that you are! In this Photoshopped world I'd love to see more real skin and reality. As a kid I was convinced my skin was terrible because I had no idea that sebaceous filaments were perfectly normal, and that I wasn't totally covered in black heads. Actually, my skin is pretty good and I'm very lucky in that respect! I might have eczema but the dryness of my skin means spots are a once a month deal for me and have never been an issue. I've got a bit of a furry face to be honest, I'm covered in fine downy blonde hair, and that's OK too. 

I know sharing your real skin can be a terrifying prospect, especially in this time of Facetune and Photoshop, but think how liberating it would be for a teenager to see their favourite blogger has acne scarring just like them! There's an argument to be had about whether bloggers should be aspirational or not, and for me personally, that's not what I'm about. I'm much more the awkward nerd type than the sort of person someone wishes to be like, so for me, sharing the real me is everything.

It's OK if you feel you need to retouch your photos, but I hope as blogging progresses we can see more transparency in the industry about what has been done to photos. As we declare gifted items and sponsored posts, I'd love to see us all move to declaring Photoshopped images too. Photoshop can make a beauty product seem truly unbelievable, when the reality is that no foundation is ever going to erase your pores and give you the look of a beauty blogger's ring lit portrait.

What do you think?

Much love,

Kitty xxxx

Thanks for Nothing OOTD : My Third Bloggerversary

It's The Little Things That Help

The journey to loving yourself is never a straight line, and it's not something that I think ever truly ends. There are bumps and bends and twists and turns, and sometimes it feels like you've taken 4 steps backwards when you were doing so well. But here's the thing, you can't undo years of social conditioning and self torment over night. Body positivity is an endless mission, and it can seem impossible, but I think it's all the little things that help you on your way.

Not that long ago I'd have been horrified to share a photo of myself in swim wear, and with so much thigh on show. But I've been pushing myself and take little leaps towards self love, and this photo is one of those steps. Getting my knees and thighs out was absolutely terrifying to me. To be quite honest, in the not so distant past I basically lived in full length leggings, getting none of my legs out, no matter the weather. I was miserable in the summer heat! 

I'm not the sort of person who can just dive into something completely new. I'm naturally quite an anxious person and I've had CBT to help me deal with that. What that means is that instead of just rocking a mini dress and ditching the leggings, instead I slowly shortened my leggings. I opted for calf length leggings first, then eventually I wore midi dresses with shorts underneath instead, so you could almost see my knees. My knees! My dimply fat little knees. And then the dresses started to shrink, and now I'm all skies out, thighs out!

It took me about 3 years before I felt comfortable enough to go out pretty much anywhere I felt like with my thighs and knees out. And there is plenty I am still pushing myself to do. But rather than throwing myself into a scary outfit, I like to creep in, and that's ok too. Baby steps are absolutely a legitimate way to work towards self love. Not everyone is ready to rock their VBO or flash their skin in a bikini, but you might be ready to slink your way into a sleeveless dress for the first time. You might want to take a wrap or little cardigan with you in case you begin to feel insecure, but everyone has to start somewhere.

Learning to love yourself might take a little while, and that's just fine!

Much love,

Kitty xxxx

Guest Post : Miss Kitty Kaos on Body Positivity

Hey Cats, 

As the lovely Kitty Rambles is off getting married I jumped forward to guest post because Kitty is pretty rad and we share a love of alternative make up/fashion and True Romance! I am sure you're all with me when I say a huge congratulations and are waiting eagerly to see pictures and posts about the big day. 

Well I am Kitty Kaos and I blog over at Adventures Of  A Riot Grrrl (http://www.adventuresofariotgrrrl.com/) I blog about fashion, feminism and more. I haven't always been very body positive and grew up the fat grrrl. All my friends were super slim and I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb and then I discovered the amazing world of riot grrrl packed full of kick ass women who didn't care what the world thought of them and weren't afraid to speak their minds. So I am going to share some things I have learnt along the way. 

The media around us today is becoming a little more inclusive but there are always huge slip ups that when faced with it can hit you. Like when self centred you tubers make horrible videos or a brand you follow posts a negative tweet. You can suddenly feel like you're back at the start.  What a lot of people don't tell you is that's normal. Body positivity is a journey and it takes time to build but slowly you start to notice yourself making small steps like wearing a sleeveless dress or not wearing leggings. You know what you discover when you do? The world doesn't stop spinning, nobody points and laughs at you and on those sunny days you are so much cooler it can be so liberating and freeing that you may find yourself never looking back.

Experiment with fashion that you never would have dreamt of trying. You may never have thought of trying a bodycon dress or a tube skirt or even wore a dress at all. For the longest time I told myself I couldn't wear dresses I was that mopey teenage girl who wore baggy jeans and big band T shirts to try and hide the fact that I was fat. Let me tell you a secret...your body shape will still be there and you will still have lumps and bumps but dressing them in clothes that make you feel amazing will make you feel so much better about yourself. One day that mopey teenager saw a dress and thought what the hell and tried it on and never looked back. Now I constantly push my own boundaries and keep surprising myself. Sometimes I love the things I try and sometimes I don't but that is all part of the fun! 

Ignore the labels, honestly it sounds crazy but I can wear anything from a size 18-24 depending on where I am shopping. So many shops get their sizing so wrong. Which is why bloggers are great to follow because we will tell you if an item comes up small or big. Don't  take it personally if you put on a dress and it is a size that scares you. You don't have to share that with anyone else if you don't want to. Most importantly look at how it fits you and how it makes you feel once you take the labels away. Instead of focusing on the negatives think of the positives, does it make your bum look awesome? Or is the most comfortable wearable skirt you ever found, even better if the answer is both! 

Surround yourself with positive influence. If you find that magazines you're reading aren't making you happy or representing you then find new ones. I love reading fanzines, blogs and Slink magazine caters for plus size awesomeness. Social media can be a great place to dive into as there are so many body positive and welcoming communities now like #pizzasisters4lyfe or #whatfatgirlsactuallywear. Go drool over the awesome style and start planning your next killer outfit. You can find me on Instagram too (https://instagram.com/misskittykaos/) come and say hi. There are also some amazing artists you can find on social media like Melly-Em Clark (https://www.etsy.com/uk/people/mellyemclark) and Murder of Goths (http://murderofgoths.co.uk/). When you surround yourself with positive media and people you will feel a lot happier inside and out. 

Most importantly remember that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. You're beautiful and you deserve to be happy we only have one life so start living it! 

Do you have any tips for body positivity or a story to share? 

Stop Judging Other People's Body Modifications

My name is Kitty, and when I was 27, I had Botox for the first time. I've had it every 3 months since. I've been getting piercings other than my ears since I was around 17, and got my first tattoo at 26. Lately I've been seeing a lot of hate from the body modification community towards those who have plastic surgery and less invasive kinds of fillers and Botox and the like and it's not cool.

Before Botox, this was my life. Hospital visits and a whole lot more medication than I'm sharing in that photo. I suffer from hemiplegic migraines and a form of chronic headaches. This means I am in pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Or at least, I was. Thanks to Botox I've been able to avoid hospital visits and ambulances for a little while now and it's incredible.

I took this selfie the first time I ended up on a stroke unit. Hemiplegic migraines essentially mimic strokes without the brain damage. Slurred speech, one sided numbness, confusion, aphasia, drooping face, all the fun stuff. It is absolutely terrifying.

I've tried dozens of different medications and treatments, and nothing worked until Botox. I have it every 3 months and it totally changed my life. I have 36 injections in my forehead, scalp and neck and let me tell you, Botox bloody hurts like hell. I cry every time. I've been tattooed for 6 hours in one sitting and there is just no comparison in the pain. I can't move my eyebrows anymore, and the slight wrinkle I had coming in my forehead has vanished.

And since I had Botox I realised something. There is a running theme within the tattoo/modified community of a prejudice towards those who have pursued a different type of body modification. I'm talking lip fillers, Botox, fake boobs, nose jobs and more. The tattoo community seems to consider it's type of body modification superior to these other types of modification because they are more associated with vanity than tattoos are. Because Botox hides aging, or fillers increase your pout, people believe their artwork covered bodies are different or better. I see so much hate from people who claim to be open minded towards those who have these other kinds of modification.

The body positive community is all about embracing who you are, and loving yourself, but that isn't always possible for some people. I felt like my body hated me before Botox, and now I can love it because it doesn't feel like it is rebelling against me. People get fake boobs because they've always been self conscious about their breasts, or because they are having reconstruction after breast cancer, or because they just love the look of huge fake boobs! You might love the exaggerated look of lip fillers, or have always wanted a split tongue, or a full back piece, it's body modification in a different form. And one isn't better than the other.

Tattoos aren't better than Botox, your nose piercing isn't cooler than a nose job. The body modification community has always claimed to be supportive and welcoming, but it is judging an entire group of people because their ways of modifying their body are different to their ideas of body modification. You aren't superior because you have tattoos and someone else has cheek fillers.

As someone who has always felt part of the alternative community, to see us judging other people's choices hurts, especially when I didn't have a choice about whether or not to have Botox. Seeing memes and jokes about frozen foreheads and about how awful people must be who have it, it hurts. Being judged by people who know nothing about you sucks. Why people have body modification is none of your business, and what kind of body modification is 'OK' is none of your business either. 

I believe everyone deserves total body autonomy, and that includes their right to get their preferred body modification without judgement from others. I want to see less judgement from the alternative and body positive communities, we have to learn to embrace everyone's choices about their own bodies. Whether you like the look of their modification, or would never have it done to yourself, you have no right to judge. The reasons I have Botox are irrelevant, I shouldn't have to justify it to you so you don't judge me.

Not your body, not your choice.

Much love,

Kitty xxxx

PS. All my tattoos are by Keely Rutherford!

Simply Be : Why do people take before and after photos?

A photo can share so many things, a beautiful memory, a silly moment, a cute new dress, but at this time of year, we are encouraged to share our before and after photos, and the diet industry is running rampant. Photos can be so important, but the kind of before and after photos that I want to see aren't of 'good' or 'bad' bodies, because all bodies are good bodies!

Simply Be asked me to write about why I love my body, and that was easy! You can read all about why I and several other bloggers love our bodies here.

I love that Simply Be want to see you take a negative and turn it into a positive. We put our bodies through so much. Did you get stretch marks when you were pregnant? Awesome! You were able to carry a life inside of you and have a baby. 

Do you have a strong nose you inherited from your Dad's side of the family? Kick ass! You can literally see your family history in the photos of your great-grandparents and their relatives.

Did you used to wear super flared jeans and trip over them smashing your face into a brick wall, requiring stitches in your face and being scarred for life? Amazing! You ended up with an adorable and unique facial scar that actually you really love. (That one is maybe sort of me. I am not looking forward to flares coming back into fashion).

You are worth so much more than the numbers on a scale. What makes you wonderful is what's on the inside. It's how you like to surprise your Grandparents with a visit, or that you always make sure your best friend has gotten home safe from a night out. It's that people know you are are available on the phone whenever they need you, and the way you can't resist rescuing just one more cat. That's what is important about you. Not the weight of your thighs or the wobble of your chin, it's the kindness in your heart that matters.

Your body is just your vessel, the thing that allows you to be the bad ass babe you are. So be good to yourself, and remember that the only kind of before and after photo that counts, is one in which you are smiling.

Much love,

Kitty xxxxx

Written in collaboration with Simply Be.