Tuesday, 3 July 2018

The Friendship Break Up

Over the years, I've had some pretty spectacular ends to friendships. We talk a lot about how to get over the end of a relationship, how to deal with heart break and betrayal, but I often think that the end of a friendship can be far worse, yet we never really talk about it. A best friend is someone you've trusted your darkest thoughts to, who you turn to in times of needs, and who is there in the best times of your life, and when that suddenly ends, what do you do?

I can be brutal at the end of a friendship. I give second chances, sometimes even third, but sometimes the thing the other person does is so unforgivable that you just can't. I've ended 4 'best friend' type friendships over the years. One at 18 with the best friend I had all through school and college, and three in my early twenties. One of those I wrote about extensively, because it happened in the run up to said friend's wedding and ended when she threw me out of her bridal party (read about that here). The others ended with more of a fizzle, and they probably hurt the most, despite the lack of dramatic occurrence.

The end of a friendship is a different kind of heartbreak. It is unique to every friendship, it might hurt more of less depending on the length of time you've been friends, or why the friendship is ending. Know that it is OK to grieve the end of your friendship, you love your best friends, and it's a kind of heartbreak all of it's own. Processing the end of a friendship is much the same as processing the end of a relationship. It makes you question yourself, and your trust for those around you, and it's hard to let someone in so close again. Just because it isn't the loss of romantic love, it doesn't mean it isn't the end of a different kind of love.

I feel like I've ended far too many friendships over the years. To protect myself. Because I felt my trust was irreparably damaged. Because they revealed themselves to be someone I didn't know or understand. Or because they became someone that didn't understand me, or want to. Protecting yourself is OK! I wanted to share a few of the things I've learnt on how to help process the end of a friendship.

1) Removing a toxic person from your life is OK. Sometimes a person starts out as an amazing friend, and over time they begin to reveal their other self. The one who picks at you, who encourages your self doubt, who puts you down, who ignores you, uses you only when they need you, or questions your achievements. A friendship doesn't need to end with a bang, sometimes it ends with a painful murmur instead. If someone makes you feel bad who professes to love you and be your dearest friend, it's OK to move on.

2) Remove them from all social media. It isn't healthy to keep them on your social feed, constantly seeing their face pop up, or their seemingly happy like that hasn't been affected the loss of you at all, it can be brutal. Remove them, and it'll make life easier I promise. I tend to block people too, so they don't pop up on mutual friends social feeds either, or even go so far as to mute their usernames on social media that lets me do that. Don't ever feel bad for blocking someone if it is better for your mental health, you have to take care of you first.

3) It's OK to grieve, for as long as you need. There are times I still wonder about the friendship I ended at 18 and hurt, because betrayal can sting 12 years later. It hurts when I have to interact with the friendship that fizzled because we have so many mutuals. I have to pretend it's OK and it's fine and that it doesn't hurt after several years to see them pretend like I was nothing to them. It's OK to mourn, to cry, to need to talk to someone, a professional if necessary, it's OK.

4) Ghosting is OK. Controversial I know! Don't feel like you have to tell your friend why you are cutting them out of your life. Sometimes they don't deserve your explanation or your time. I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this one, people don't like to be ghosted and they don't think it's appropriate behaviour, that you should be more 'grown up' than to ghost. But you know what, it's OK! Sometimes the best thing for yourself, the safest thing or the healthiest thing to do, is just ghost. I'm not ashamed to say I've done it. If you feel the only option to avoid a confrontation, or to avoid a scene, is to ghost, then ghost. You don't owe a toxic person your explanation or your time.

6) Remember that time and healing are not linear. You may be OK at first, for a few weeks or more even, and then it might hit you like a sudden wave. Healing and hurting are not things with a set path or route. There are ups and downs and backwards steps, and that's OK. The end of a friendship is a big deal, when you've known someone and trusted and loved them for a long time, it can be like losing a part of yourself. It's OK to be OK, and then not be again. Healing isn't a finish line you cross and stay across, it's more of a spiral full of loops.

Ending a friendship can be a really hard decision, or a really easy one. Know that you aren't the first to be in pain because of it, and that if you reach out there are others around you who know that pain too and can be there.

I've been there, several times. And it's OK. I have newer incredible friends, and friends who have been by my side for almost 20 years, who are a piece of my heart and soul at this point. (Yes Fal, I mean you if you're reading this). It gets easier I promise.

Much love,

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Colourpop Lips and Eyes : Polite AF and She's A Beach Babe Bundles

It's finally time for part 3 of my recent Colourpop haul (I told you I bought a fair bit!), and this time it's two of their bundles, Polite AF which is a super shock shadow set, and She's A Beach Babe lip product bundle.

She's A Beach Babe retails for $18.50, but I bought it reduced to $15. It contains 3 full size lip products in a mixture of finishes, all in more summery lighter colours.

The set is part of their collaboration with Eva Gutowski who is apparently a Youtuber I am too old to have heard of. The packaging is a slight twist on their usual clear tubes with silver tops, with the addition of an animal print-esque print, and a more handwritten style font than their usual. It's cute!

Left to right - Party Wave (ultra blotted lip), Love Bite (ultra blotted lip) and Just Surfed (ultra glossy lip)

Party Wave and Love Bite both have the same finish, the ultra blotted lip. This was one of my favourite additions to the Colourpop line last year, it's lighter than their ultra mattes and works really well for a more natural look, which I often look for in the summer. I think they are really versatile tones that could work well on a lot of skin tones too. Just Surfed is a gloss, which is generally my least favourite type of lip product, but it's a bronze tone filled with silver and pink glitter that is really delightful! It could easily be used over a darker lipstick as a topper too. 

Polite AF is a set of 6 super shock shadows in tones I would describe as more autumnal or neutral, all are fairly classic colours for your makeup bag. Usually I opt for a green or other bright colour on the eyes, but I could not resist this set. I've recently fallen back in love with brown tones and this looked ideal.

I think these looks darker in real life than they do in the photos on Colourpop's website, I tend to use a single colour at a time so don't mind that at all, as lighter colours aren't ones I usually reach for.

Left to right - Deep Dive, Drift, Birthday Girl, Birthday Cake, Stereo and Sequin.

Stereo is the only colour I can't really see myself reaching for regularly, because it's very dark, almost black it's so dark, but in winter on those more goth feeling days it will still have it's place. Drift is a gorgeous cranberry red, I never thought of using red on my eyes but I saw a photo of Sara X Mills wearing reddy tones a little while ago and it really made her green eyes pop. I have green eyes too so I just have to try it for myself. The other colours are all gorgeous brown and bronze tones that I know I will find myself reaching for regularly. Birthday Cake has a bit of a rose gold tone to it, and I love the purple glitter that creeps through in Deep Dive.

All in all, I'm really pleased with everything I picked up this time round! Colourpop have totally taken over my makeup collection and for good reason.

Much love,
Kitty xxx

Tuesday, 5 June 2018

JML Finishing Touch Flawless Hair Remover* Review

Let's talk about facial hair! Everyone has it, me included. Some people remove it, some people don't, and as a woman or femme with facial hair, it can be tricky. I remember being a teenager and having someone make a comment about my moustache and being horrified, and it's something that has stayed with me. I'm very fair, but the hair above my lip has always been darker, so much more noticeable. I have quite a furry face generally (cheeky Green Wing reference there) with a lot of peach fuzz fluff, and it does make me self conscious. I tried laser hair removal a few years ago and while it helped, it is less successful with fair hair and I found that it didn't shift what I expected it to. Since then, I've mostly shaved the remaining lip hair with a normal razor when I've noticed it, and often quickly run it over the furrier sections on my cheeks. Many women and femmes are able to embrace their facial hair, but I'm afraid right now I'm just not one of them, so I was eager to try out the JML Finishing Touch Flawless Hair Remover*.

The hair remover retails for £19.99, and requires a single AA battery. 

It comes in a matte white finish with gold trim, almost like a giant lipstick tube in design. It's discreet and classic, you wouldn't mind it being seen in your handbag in public, it's not obvious what it is at all.

The razor itself is the classic rotating blades design that many of us have seen in men's electric razors. It's still enough to easily remove lip hair without being concerned you are getting too close to your nostrils. It's easy and comfortable to use, and really did the trick. It easily removed my lip hair, and my peach fuzz.

To use it you slide up the little gold bar at the bottom of the gold section. This starts both the rotating and also turns on the LED light which is really nifty for seeing those smaller and fairer hairs! It comes with a small brush for cleaning the head and popping a new battery in is incredibly easy as the top gold section simply pulls out.

This has definitely made it's way into my makeup bag and will be coming with me on any travels just in case. I've always used shavers designed for men in the past, but this smaller and more lightweight design worked really well for what I wanted it too, and looks cute to boot.

Much love, 
Kitty xxx

*denotes an item gifted to me. I was under no obligation to review, but I really liked it so did!

Tuesday, 29 May 2018

Colourpop Lips : Lux Lipsticks and New Theory Set

Part 2 of my Colourpop Haul! This time, some of the lip products I ordered. I ordered a set of lippie stix called New Theory, and one of the brand new lux lipsticks.

I absolutely LOVE the packaging for this set. Butterflies and succulents are some of my favourite things so I just had to snap this up! The yellow is a sleeve that is removed to reveal the blue case below.

It comes with six lippie stix in a variety of finishes. The lippie stix have the addition of silver butterflies on the caps which is a cute way to tie it into the box.

Left to right - Ink Blot (matte), Sike (matte), Little Tings (creme), Lullaby (matte x), Fly-Fi (matte x) and Persuasion (matte).

Usually in the Colourpop lippe stix sets I find there are one or two shades that I would consider to be too light, but in this I didn't have that problem at all. I think my favourite shade of the bunch is Persuasion, I love purple tones and it's a gorgeous plum tone The creme finishes are a bit softer than the matte and matte x finishes, and the matte x is a truly matte finish.

The lux lipstick is a brand new product to Colourpop, and the packaging is totally different for them. It has a rose gold finish and is so heavyweight in comparison to their other lip products. It really really luxury and high end.

Left is Unravelled the lux lipstick, next to Persuasion, a lippie stix. It's another stunning purple tone that is perfect for summer. It went on incredibly smoothly in one swipe! The lux lipstick lasted really well for me, just drinking it looked exactly the same after 6 hours of wear with no feathering or wear in the inner lip at all. It also easily lasted through a lasagne! 

I know I'm going to get really good use out of all these colours, and I know they are really comfortable to wear.

Much love,
Kitty xxx

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

OMG It's An Actual Fashion Blog Post : ASOS Curve And Navabi

Today, for the first time in 6 months, I'm actually posting outfit photos on my fashion blog. I was beginning to think I needed to revoke my attempts to call myself a plus size fashion blogger when it had been so long since I had posted an outfit! So finally, here's an actual outfit post.

Dress - ASOS Curve
Denim jacket - Navabi
Shoes (no longer available) - Converses
Necklace (now only available in yellow) - Panika
Sunglasses - Quay Australia

I love a good summer dress and this has quickly become a favourite. It's light and super comfortable and a really good length on me. I'm 5ft 11 and it hits just below the knee which is perfect for summer picnics and barbecues when I want to sit on the floor and not worry about flashing my chub rub shorts. I found it fits true to size and it has thick shoulder straps so would hide most bras.

 I actually bought this necklace 2 years ago as a potential to wear for our wedding. In the end I opted to wear my great-grandmother's pearls as I felt the necklace didn't quite work, but I absolutely love it. I wear it with a necklace extender as the chain is a little short, but they can be bought for next to nothing online so I don't mind this too much. The pins on my jacket are all the Pokemon Kanto region gym badges, my husband bought me them for Christmas. I love a subtle nod to my nerdy favourites, makes it more fun when someone knows what they are!

My distressed denim jacket is a newer piece that has quickly become a staple piece for me. I wear it constantly! I was lucky enough to win it in a competition held by Hayley of Curves n Curls and I can see myself wearing it right through to autumn. The distressed sections appeal to my inner punk, but unlike other distressed denim jackets it isn't so distressed that it's basically falling apart and barely held together. I got it in my usual size but it's a little snug, I couldn't comfortably do it up, but I don't tend to wear jackets done up ever so I don't mind too much.

I'm hoping that ASOS will release more dresses in this style because I really love it. More prints and patterns please!

I've also realised that I've become totally obsessed denim jackets and I want more, more!

Here's to hoping it isn't another 6 months before I post another outfit blog post because that would be ridiculous.

Much love,
Kitty xxxx

Tuesday, 15 May 2018

We Need To Talk About Troll 2

Dear reader, at the beginning of May I had a truly life changing experience. I watched the best worst movie ever made, Troll 2. I don't think I can accurately explain what it's like to watch Troll 2. It has absolutely nothing to do with the original Troll movie, and it's on Netflix right now should you wish to experience this magic for yourself (and you really should).

Calling it the best worst movie ever might seem like a weird way to sell it, but it truly is. The team behind Troll 2 set out to making a serious horror film and ended up with well..... Troll 2. It was never intended to be a sequel to Troll, and was originally titled Goblins. It has no trolls in it at all. Troll 2 is a true cult classic, and since I first saw it I've watched it multiple times, talked about it daily, and watched the documentary about it, aptly titled Best Worst Movie.

I feel sad that it took me to the age of 30 to finally see Troll 2, it's everything I've ever wanted in a so-bad-it's-good movie. The fact that everyone involved really committed, and thought they were making a truly scary horror film shows. The actors are mostly amateurs, in fact the Father in the film was played by a dentist called George Hardy (my new hero) who had never acted in a film before, who continued his dentistry throughout filming and is still a dentist now. The acting in it is something else. I just, I can't really describe it. There aren't the right words. But you really need to watch it. Please. Please watch it and tell me all your feelings about it. Join me in my obsession. If you've already seen it, please comment with your adoration of it so we can quote it at each other!

My best friend Fal introduced me to Troll 2, and I feel like it's my responsibility to help share it with the world. It's like nothing you've ever watched before. It has an incredible cult following, people throw Troll 2 viewing parties, with Troll 2 themed food, and I maybe have made Troll 2 inspired mint chocolate bark to take to Fal's house for a BBQ because that's how much we are obsessed with this film. Once you've seen it, I hope you'll understand.

'Nilbog? That's goblin spelled backwards!'

Troll 2 is endlessly quotable, always hilarious, and you just need to watch it. Since we watched it, we've talked about it every single day and can't stop hunting down GIFs from the film, the very scarce merch inspired by it, and more information on it. Sometimes are the stars align and true magic happens, and that happened with Troll 2. It's not the film anyone intended to make, it's so, so much better.

Also, I should probably mention that the whole reason this film even got made in the first place is because the director's wife was annoyed with her friends for becoming vegetarians, so she wanted to write an anti-vegetarian propaganda horror film. REALLY!!

Troll 2, it's not just the best worst movie ever, it's a way of life.

Much love, 
Kitty xxxx

PS. For an added bonus, here are cheeky phone photos of the mega Troll 2 inspired cake Fal made too!

Tuesday, 8 May 2018

Colourpop Eyes : Green and Purple

It's been a little while since I posted about my favourite cruelty free makeup brand, but it's time for another Colourpop haul! I'm going to break this up into a couple of posts as I bought a fair bit with money I was given for my birthday, so today is all about green and purple eye products.

The Super Shock Shadows are my absolute favourite eye shadow that I've ever owned. I have hooded lids so need a product that isn't going to rub and crease, and these are about the only product I've come across that just does not move once it's on. It stays bright throughout the day and doesn't shift, perfect!

This time round I opted for 3 super shock shadows, and one of the loose pigments. This is Snap Dragon and Up Shot (L-R) on the top row, and Special Delivery and Zoomship (L-R) on the bottom row.

Left to right - Snap Dragon, Special Delivery, Zoomship, Up Shot (dry) and Up Shot (Wet).

Greens are my favourite shade to wear on my eyes, I have green eyes and I think the green really makes them pop. Snap Dragon and Zoomship are mattes, they are incredibly creamy and smooth, they feel quite bizarre! Special Delivery is quite pale but full of different dimensions with the shimmer. Up Shot needed barely any shadow to make these swatches, but the wet swatch really helps show the colours and make it pop!

Purple is my other favourite colour to wear on my eyes, again I opted for a mix of super shock shadows and a single loose pigment.

Left to right - Ripple, Badlands and Daddy.

Left to right - Ripple, Badlands (wet), Badlands (dry), Daddy.

Daddy is a lovely matte tone again, it's a little paler than I was expecting but you could definitely build that colour up, these are one swipe swatches. Ripple is full of blues and silver tones, the photo really doesn't do it justice. Badlands is my favourite though, dry it goes on so pigmented, but using a wet finger or brush really amped up the shimmer in it, I'm in love!

One thing worth mentioning is that the mattes are unbelievably soft, you need to be really careful using a brush with them as you will smoosh the product straight out of the pan if you aren't careful. I recommend using your fingers to apply the super shock shadows for the most pigmentation, but it really is a must for the matte versions!

I never quite seem to get enough of these shadows and have quite a large collection now, but I never wear anything else!

Much love,
Kitty xxxx